Father’s Day

Father’s Day is this tomorrow and I’ve been thinking about it for about a week now. For some reason I feel like I need to have a moment of transparency for myself and blog about this so that I can quit thinking about it. 

I always hated Father’s Day in the past. I would hear people talking about the cool things that they got to do with their dad and I was envious quite honestly. I felt like I deserved to have those things just as much as the next little kid but truth is, it just wasn’t in the cards for me and my family. Yes I had perfect male figures in my life that made me feel loved, supported me, and pushed me to do my very best but still, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t until I got older that I started to truly appreciate all of the men in my life who did their best to ensure that we had the best life possible. I think my disdain for Father’s Day came from the fact that I was comparing my life to everyone else’s instead of being thankful for the life that I was chosen for. 

My parents were married when I was younger but they separated a while (a long, long while) before they actually got divorced. I still remember the excitement of knowing that my dad was coming into town and that we would get to spend some time with him before he had to leave again. I remember traveling to see him and spending time with him during the summer, but it still wasn’t the same. When we were younger we would also spend some weekends with my dad’s family and some weekends with my mom’s family. It was amazing getting a chance to grow up with my paternal grandfather and having so many great memories with him. He passed away when I was in the 11th grade and I feel like that only deepened the gap in the relationship that I had with my dad. The calls and visits became infrequent and it’s like the glue that was holding what little we had together, dissolved. It’s been nearly 14 years and I still miss my grandfather more than I can put into words. 

Spending time with my mom’s family also reiterated the fact that we were truly blessed with the best family ever! My maternal grandfather is hilarious and he loves to tell jokes. Although he suffers with dementia, there are times when he will tell a joke that lights up the room. My mom’s brothers are truly wonderful men who make it their business to ensure that everyone that’s connected to them feels loved and appreciated. Those of you who know me well, know that I am crazy about my uncle’s! In fact, those 4 gentlemen gave me away at my wedding. It was the most emotional thing ever! I know for a fact that they love me AND Michael and they want best for us. Even though I’m an adult, I’m still their “Neesha Beesha”, LOL!

 I’ve also had the pleasure of being under the leadership of the best pastor on this side of Heaven! My pastor has guided me through some pretty tough situations while also reminding me of the love that I’ve received throughout the years! When I would feel lost or in a place of negativity regarding my dad, he would know just what to say to help me see things differently. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I’m forever grateful for Pastor Stewart. 

Last but not least, I’m married to one of the best father’s around! Michael works hard so that he can provide those materialistic things for MJ. He also shows him on a daily basis that he loves him while also correcting him when necessary. He’s shown me that it is possible to coparent in 2017 without making everything into an argument or huge ordeal. Man, I love this guy! 

So you see, Father’s Day doesn’t seem so bad now that my perspective on it has changed. Yes I love my dad and even though we may not talk all the time, I believe that he knows that I love him. Do to think that the relationship could be different? Yes, but at the same time I feel like we’ve worked hard to get where we are now.

To my Husband, dad, grandfather, uncles, and all of the dad’s connected to me HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! 

XOXO – 

Antionesha 

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